Peanut Butter And Some Other Funky Junk

So I'm having Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwhich, it is tasty as always! Then I suddenly have a mustache! It is sooo weird! What mustache am I referring to? Well the "milk 'stache" of course. It's the best one around. It's the new mullet!

My grandma was talking to me about her being lactose intolerant while I was making the sandwhich, and I was thinking, it would SUCK to be lactose intolerant! No dairy products? That is sooo gay! Let's play this out while saying this to a little girl who lost her two front teeth, just had her birthday, and now she's going to be told she is lactose intolerant:

Doctor: I'm sorry Sally, but no more dairy products for you, you're Lactose Intolerant.
Sally: What's lactose intolerant.
Doctor: Basicallly, milk.
Sally: No more chocolate milk?
Doctor: No more.
Sally: YOU MANIACS! DANG YOU! DANG YOU ALL HELL!
*Sally grabs scalpel and doctor as hostage* *waving around scalpel*
Sally: TELL ME IT'S NOT TRUE MOMMY! TELL ME!!!
Mommy: I can't honey! It's true! It's all true!
Sally: *pulled hand in sleeve* NOOOOOO! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
*Sally kills the doctor*
Mommy: YOU'RE A MONSTER! YOU'RE THE DEMON CHILD!!!
*Sally kills Mommy*

Just let that sink in....It isn't pretty huh? No more chocolate milk, no cheese, no regular milk! That is so gay. I couldn't live that way. Lactose milk sucks. WHAT KIND OF WORLD IS THIS WHERE OUR BODIES TURN AGAINST US!? TELL ME!!!